Funny Jokes. Anyone that belongs to a party stops thinking. up a turd by the clean end.- Unknown Author, Politics is show business for ugly people.- Paul BegalaI am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times.- Sen. Everett Dirksen, I have the most reliable friend you can have in American politics, and that is ready money.Phil GrammI offer my opponents a bargain. "He came second". Independence Party leader Nigel Farage on European Council President Herman Van Rompuy. It is fast approaching the point where I dont want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job. Since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word. It's like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. ORourke, 19. "Be strong," I whisper to my WiFi signal. The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. Funny Political Quotes 2021 Reader, suppose you were an idiot. Dentist: "You need a crown.". Funny Political 2022 Gifts & Merchandise for Sale | Redbubble Political slogans say a lot not just about a given election but also about the state of the body politic at a particular period of time. "They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. } Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to the pure wind George Orwell, 3. The author has collected some of the best in his articles. Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened. Former British Prime Minister Winston Churchill. Best Funny Happy Quotes for 2022 | Routinely Nomadic I have a very secure job. "If you don't go to other men's funerals, they won't go to yours." Ray Bradbury Political tags - such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth - are never basic criteria. The hardest thing I ever tried is being normal. If they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.- Adlai Stevenson, Politicians are like diapers. Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with. -, How come we choose from just two people to run for president and fifty for Miss America? The words they utter are listened to intently and some of these words pass into our history as the most profound and erudite of utterances. Its the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first -, In the long run every Government is the exact symbol of its People, with their wisdom and unwisdom; we have to say, Like People like Government -, A modest man, who has much to be modest about. The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day. 100 Funny and Witty Quotations About Politics - Soapboxie P.J. Is it because the media spotlight demands an instant answer to any problem, however complex, thereby creating a paranoia that precludes clear thought? "Smile from your heart; nothing is more beautiful than a woman (person) who is happy to be herself." Kubra Sait "A day without laughter is a day wasted." Charlie Chaplin "A hug is like a boomerang - you get it back right away." Bil Keane "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." A. The irony being that if they want a government that is of the people, by the people, and for the people they'll need to rid it of all the people., You dont need to understand anatomy to know that main stream media is an organ of the Democrat party, and you dont need to be a urologist to know which organ., Well, Mr. Lincoln, when it comes to political short-sightedness I agree you can't fool all of the people all of the time, but apparently you can fool all of the fools all of the time., I know of three ways to convince people to change their party politics; but the first two dont work and the third has yet to be successful., There are three ways to convince people to change their party politics; but the first way doesn't work and the other two have yet to be invented., There are three ways to convince people to change their political affiliation; but the first way doesn't work and the other two have yet to be invented., bribery: (n.) invisible grease that makes politics go round and round., Khalil Bendib, with a few ingenious strokes of his pen, gets to the heart of the issues of our time. Tom Blair, 10. All A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. 9. - Andy BorowitzNext time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention.- Molly Ivins, All of the problems we face today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indians.- Pat PaulsenIf you ever injected truth into politics, youd have no politics. Christians Finding It Easier To Stop Storing Up Treasure On Earth Under Biden CHRISTIAN LIVING - Oct 13, 2022 -. We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. Funny Quotes. It's the one joke game where EVERYBODY gets to be a comedian! If his IQ slips any lower, we'll have to water him twice a day. Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. -, Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind -, Government exists to protect us from each other. - Charmaine J. Forde October, baptize me with leaves! - Plato. talk through, and one to pull rabbits out of if elected. Ready to cast your vote and want the perfect voting quote or "I voted!" . #funny #memes #just #imaginary #lines. 2022 Jokes Just met my friend on the street crying his eyes out so I asked him what was wrong He said "Today is the 2nd of the 2nd 2022 and I just turned 22 so I went to the bookies and put 222 on the second horse in the second race of the day.. One liner tags: fighting, political 81.09 % / 984 votes. Its like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Its the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.- John Kenneth Galbraith, Without going to jail, you cannot be a big politician.- Babban Kumar, member of Parliament in India, He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. Funny political quotes Great political jokes . And for the same reason. Political Humor Quotes (35 quotes) - Goodreads Will Rogersa stage performer, actor, humourist, and social commentatorwas especially prominent in taking a swipe against our leaders in the 1920s and 30s. Or is it because the bright people have all been snapped up to do other things that are more productive and intellectual, like education or law or business or stacking the shelves in a supermarket? If I had two faces, would I be wearing this one?. For some more of the best in British insults, check out our list of Shakespeares funniest put-downs. I'm going to show you some quotes from one of the greatest writers in American history, Mark Twain. Funny Quotes-Bot on Twitter: "RT @kaveen_baxter: MRW I open my inbox I especially like the words of Plato - even today a smooth and attractive talker is more likely to get elected than a thoughtful, wise and honest person. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. It is therefore a subject on which the lawmakers should have some rudimentary knowledge. I want you to know that also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. If you ever injected truth into politics, youd have no politics. 92+ Political Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud I'm here to avoid friends on Facebook. The first is money, and I cant remember the second.- Mark Hanna, Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.- Groucho MarxOne of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. Thank you. And the natural tendency of parties is to spend their entire working lives mindlessly attacking each other, rather than listening and working together for a better life. Half of our population believes our Me: Man, I wanna go, but I'm pora pora. Funny October Quotes: 95 Funny October Sayings for 2022 73 Funny Garden Quotes That Will Brighten up Your 2022 - Guy About Home 31 Funny Plant and Garden Quotes Source: Imgur #1 "Gardening. 30 Of The Most Amusing Political Jokes The Internet Has To Offer Be the first to rate this post. Henry Cate VII, 21. 07, 2022 America is a great country, but as far as put-downs go, we can learn a thing or two from. I Hope Bernie Sanders Is Elected President Funny Political Meme Picture. 81.11 % / 849 votes. Lily Tomlin, 9. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Valetine's in 2022 Roses are red, nuts are brown, skirts go up, pants go down. Hes like a shiver waiting for a spine.Paul Keating, Former Australian Prime Minister. It can be overwhelming to celebrate milestones like your 21st birthday. Political 9. I just watch the government and report the facts. I prefer to betray the electorate. Great Christmas card designs for 2022! ADVISORY: This site contains anti-depressive material. Get a dog!, Rev. Jimmy Fallon. Copyright Notice:All quotations by Greg Tamblyn and Melanie White are copyrighted, unique to this site, and may only be used with permission. Bill Clinton, 20. "Last Halloween I got beat up. Funny Quotes-Bot on Twitter: "RT @rtopmemesubs: Last time I posted here have a deeply divided body politic. Hillary Clinton Funny Political Meme Photo. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. There are two things that are important in politics. Hilarious quotes and short clean jokes to help you remember (sigh) it's always been this way. Is it because the pressure of the job plays havoc with the mind when our leaders have to speak off the cuff? A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money." The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said: "You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman!" The thief said, "In. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx, 2. Politicians will tell you what is popular, even though it may be untrue -, Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. My favorite Halloween Joke List. Its the other lousy 2 percent that get all the publicity. And for the same reason. And suppose you were a member of Congress. If you agree with him, he is a statesman. tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And why do politicians say such stupid things? "You're at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude," he replies. That low down scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass - and I'm just the one to do it! Very funny jokes to inflict on your friends, facebook or in the flesh. Republicans are the party that says government doesnt work, and then get elected and prove it. Dude, that really WAS a killer wave!" Quotations can inform and stimulate. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. , Its easier to fool people than to convince them they have been fooled. - John Nichols It must be October, the trees are falling away and showing their true colors. Its not their field. 120+ Funny Travel Quotes Aimed To Make You Laugh In 2022 And I'd be a Libertarian, if they weren't all a bunch of tax-dodging professional whiners., When a political opponent resorts to the racist card, it's a sure sign of moral bankruptcy: there's no decent argument left in the armoury., Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature., Godwin's law states that the longer any online debate goes on, the likelier it is that someone will play the Nazi card. Lately, political anger has become all the rage. America Ferrera, Actress and Political Activist. A middle-aged farmer working on the field nearby saw the accident and decided to help: he dug a huge hole and buried all the politicians who were still alive. They both need to be changed often. Decorate your laptops, water bottles, notebooks and windows. Politics is war without bloodshed, while war is politics with bloodshed. White or transparent. Get more laughs from our favorite jokes about politics. No votes so far! Keith Donohue I wish that every day was Saturday and every month was October. " Why join the navy if you can be a pirate? - Carl Sandburg, It is fast approaching the point where I dont want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job.- Erma Bombeck, Politics is not the art of the possible. There is numerous incident that happened in the history of politics when some politicians or activities or actor made some funny statements about politics and political leaders. $j("#connectPrompt").show(); Funny death quotes to help you laugh about it now so you won't mind it later. afterwards to explain why it didnt happen.- Winston Churchill, An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.- Simon Cameron, The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.- Dave BarrySince a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word.- Charles de GaulleIn politics, absurdity is not a handicap.- Napoleon BonaparteInstead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. On second look, though, these pithy sayings will make you reflect on the deep political divisions . This video is about quotes that have made a lasting impac. I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team. That points clearly to a political career. Mark Hanna, 8. It is about objective, impartial research. I dont think we should go to the moonI think we maybe should send some politicians up there. One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.'. It comes out dripping, and starts to sag, it's not what you think.. Its a teabag! 03 Nov 2022 04:12:10 Will Rogers, You may also like: 50 Best Quotes About Work Ethics, 6. Here is an example. But in the interest of giving a say to all sidesa necessary pre-requisite in a democracyhere are just a few quotes that will reflect the downsides of democracy. - Doug LarsonPolitics which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.- Oscar AmeringerNow I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. Carl Sandburg, 12. In this article, Ive collected 22 funny political quotes and sayings that will make you blush. I offer my opponents a bargain. minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, A bus full of politicians was moving along the country road. If you agree with him, he is a statesman.- David Lloyd George, Running for president is like sticking your face in the blade of a fan.- Mike HuckabeeJust because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. Funny Political Sayings and Quotes -. New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and senators and congressmen and government officials, but the voters of this country -, When our government is spoken of as some menacing, threatening, foreign entity, it ignores the fact that in our democracy, government is us -, No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Some others, however, are remembered as quite frighteningly dim-witted nonsense. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. All of the problems we face today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indians. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, Id join the Tea Party., You want a friend in this city? Sports / Baseball / Football / Basketball / Dogs / Cats / More Short Jokes plus Funny T-shirts / Funny Signs / Tombstones / Bumper Stickers, Random Jokes / Favorite Jokes / Funny Emails / Funny Lists / Practical Jokes, Love / Marriage / Parents / Kids / Women / Men / Family / Grandparents / Seniors / Aging / Friendship, Life / Death / Inspiration / Work / Money / Success / Mankind, Movies / Music / Famous People / Funny Proverbs / Fortune Cookies / Witty Retorts, Health / Doctor / Food / Exercise / Beauty / Clothes, Travel / Writing / Books / TV / Advertising, Science / Nature Time / Reality Weather / Tech / School / College, Very Funny Jokes For Your Fun-Loving Friends, Very Short Jokes That Remain In Your Brain. 5'1 is my height but my attitude is 7'4. Here are some more of Churchills most motivational quotes. A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. And to tell the truth, theres hardly any difference.- Harry S. Truman, - Abraham Lincoln, on the accusation that he was two-faced:If I had two faces, would I be wearing this one?What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.- Edward Langley, Artist If his IQ slips any lower, we'll have to water him twice a day.- Molly Ivins, on a Texas politician, All politics is loco.- Howard OgdenI always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.- Art BuchwaldTake a good look at me, because you'll never recognize me once my opponent gets done with me.- Leonard Boswell, Iowa congressmanA They both need to be changed often. "If you can't laugh at yourself, call me. Gretchen Whitmer So many use dad's name, saying 'Johnny Cash would not like this' or 'Johnny Cash would do this' or 'Johnny Cash would vote for. Theyll be bugging you for more, so help yourself to a humongous hunk of humor! Stuck somewhere between "I need to save" and "you only live once". And we have also been blessed with some who are genuinely political thinkers and courageous leaders. Its no secret that this celebrated Prime Minister had a way with words, so it makes sense that he had a few funny political quotes on hand too. As Mark Twain said, What would men be without women? Heres what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. I believe it was created in six days as we know them -, This President is going to lead us out of this recovery -, It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another. Funny Political Quotes Christmas Cards 2022 | Zazzle George Bernard Shaw, 11. [Washington, DC.] $j("#generalRegPrompt").hide(); Pinterest. Politics is not the art of the possible. " The road to success is always under construction. 100 Inspirational Quotes 1. The game where EVERYBODYgets to be funny!In person or online. This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. But it'll be a hilarious hereafter. Hilarious quotes and sayings about women. correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical Very short jokes that will stick in your mind like dog heair on a wool suit. I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times. Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention. I'm a great believer in democracy, but unfortunately, the natural tendency of politicians in democracies is to gather together into political parties. Americans. They promise to build bridges even when there are no rivers. The word itself says 'I'm possible!'" Audrey. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. How did you know?" "Because everything you told me is technically correct, but the information is useless, and I'm still lost. Welcome back. Related . Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. Charmaine J Forde October proved a riot a riot to the senses and climaxed those giddy last weeks before Halloween. - PlatoState legislators are merely politicians whose darkest secret prevents them from running for higher office.- Dennis Miller98 "What do you call a head with no body and no nose? They are not, and the failings of democratic nations such as America or the UK should not be compared in any way to the failings of truly evil regimes and the people who preside over them. I don't believe that the Earth's but about 9,000 years old. But he was also renowned for his one-liners and cutting jibes: Poor Dan Quayle! When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, 'Donald Trump.'". Will Rogers 1 Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Without going to jail, you cannot be a big politician. Sure, I do marathons. David Mitchell, 17. Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. My choice early in life was between whether to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. Political Jokes That Will Get You a Good Laugh - Reader's Digest And the people who practice politics may therefore be both loved and loathed, respected and ridiculed, or eulogised and feared by different sections of the community. Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.. Funny 21st Birthday Quotes Captions in 2022 And to tell the truth, theres hardly any difference. Dont be ashamed if you have these common political questions. Patient: "Finally someone who understands me ". Non-Political Quotes - BrainyQuote 10. - Will RogersPolitical RT @kaveen_baxter: MRW I open my inbox and it's nothing but political emails #funny #humor . (About Prime Minister Clement Atlee.). The 45+ Best 2022 Jokes - UPJOKE I don't make jokes. November 2, 2022 Daily Memes Joe Biden, oil companies, windfall tax Political Memes and Funny Pictures Social Media Posts of the Day Quote of the Day Putin's Fault Biden threatens higher taxes on oil companies if they do not work to lower gas prices Great idea, President Brandon! Body to body, skin to skin, when its stiff, stick it in. The Democrats are the party of government activism, the party that says the government can make you richer, smarter, taller, and get the chickweed out of your lawn. America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote. Political humor quotes The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help. The people who need it most never use it.". Reject those who targets people because of race or religion., If this had been France, and the Queen had been Louis XIV, it would have been done by now-but it was England, Parliament had its knobby fingers around the Monarchs throat, and Whigs and Tories were joined in an eternal shin-kicking contest to determine which faction should have the honor of throttling her Majesty, and how hard., Attlee is a modest man who has a great deal to be modest about., The difference between Bigfoot and a politicians good conscience is no sightings to suggest the existence of the latter., People are selfish by nature and motivated by self-interests, so if they want a government that is of the people, by the people, and for the people they should rightfully ban all the people from government., People are by nature selfish and motivated by self-interests. We need more statesmen.- Bob Edwards, There are two things that are important in politics. Below we have the top quotes as they were voted on by the visitors of witty-quotes.com. All politicians should have three hats one to throw into the ring, one to talk through, and one to pull rabbits out of if elected. Funniest Political Quotes in the history of politics 1. "You must be a Democrat." "I am. Jesse Jackson thinks he's President, but he's Protestant., One should be more concerned about what his conscience whispers than about what media shout. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Actually, there are 102 quotes. Raheel Farooq, 14. if (this.auth.status === "not_authorized") { I believe with love and compassion we can make this world a better place. His cartoons are in the greatest tradition of American political humor, with that combination of wit and intelligence so needed in the struggle for justice., Wingnuts: How the Lunatic Fringe is Hijacking America, Greeting Flannery O'Connor at the Back Door of My Mind, The Rainbow Horizon: A Tale of Goofy Chaos. I'll be happy to laugh at you." Cant get enough funny political quotes? politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen Its the other lousy 2 per cent that gets all the publicity. Quotes shouldn't be long or sentiments and indeed shouldn't be forceful. correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical These funny political quotes might be good for a laugh, but politicians can offer some more sophisticated words of wisdom, too, like these moving peace quotes from world leaders. Head LafologistGreg Tamblyn, N.C.W. percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working 98 [He clings] to data the way a drunkard clings to lampposts.Former Italian Prime Minister Paolo Romani, referring to his successor, Silvio Berlusconi. Funny Sayings. . He did say that afterwards, gays will come in and do a beautiful renovation., Liberal, shmiberal. Politicians who say how much they hate Washington but run for reelection are like people who stay married to Mel Gibson. The first is money, and I cant remember the second. A. Milne Being president is like running a cemetery: youve got a lot of people under you and nobodys listening. The following slogans, from the Democratic and Republican parties, may give you an initial chuckle or two. Quotes tagged as "political-humor" Showing 1-30 of 35. Politics is show business for ugly people. An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. " Steve Jobs 2. Get the funniest new jokes & quotes every month! Half of our population believes our " One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. Politicians are the same all over. Funny political quotes that'll make you want to runbut not for office. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves -, For NASA, space is still a high priority -. Also included are the thoughts of commentators, journalists, and satirists who keep our leaders under perpetual scrutiny and who can observe the good, the bad, and the ugly of the political world with an independent mind and a witty turn of phrase. afterwards to explain why it didnt happen. "You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.". Nikita Khrushchev, 18. Americans. Apr 25, 2022 - Funny Political Memes Republic and Democrat. Pinterest. We have a firm commitment to Europe. Unauthorized copying protected by Copyscape. " talk through, and one to pull rabbits out of if elected. Then it crashed into the tree and overturned. "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies." - Groucho Marx Born in 1890, Groucho Marx was an American comedian, actor, writer, stage performer, radio star, and television actor. But unfortunately, for every thought-provoking speech by a true statesman, there are countless less cerebral remarks by which other politicians are destined to be remembered - much to their chagrin! MilkSnort! That should be a new word.
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